It is nearly midnight on the day of my birthday and what an emotional day it has been. The highlights of the day include: my daughter and son bringing me porridge and tea in bed; enjoying a lovely frozen scene dog-walk out of a story book across fields I enjoyed playing in as a child; nearly having a full-on collision with a range-rover and taking a Top Gear style detour over a large bank to avoid a massive insurance claim and, potentially, injuries; spending an amazing day shopping in London with my best friends and enjoying afternoon tea; finishing the day wanting to divorce my husband with his birthday card smouldering on the fire and a massive dent in his shop-bought mini birthday cake.
There is a quote from one of the Bridget Jones movies that best sums up the day and it goes something like this: “It is a truth universally acknowledged that just when something good is happening in your life another part goes spectacularly wrong”.
So while I was enjoying ‘up’ times I had ‘crap’ times too, such is the rollercoaster of life. The down-side of having a good time in London is that it takes a while to get home relying on public transport if you live rurally. So I came home to a very grumpy husband expecting me to be home in time to share a pizza and cake with him, but I was late. He decided instead to give me the cold shoulder and have a go without a word of ‘Happy Birthday, I hope you had a nice day’ in sight. Seeing that my evening was a lost cause to his negative emotions, I did what any other sane woman would do who had been accused of not putting her family first before herself on her birthday…I chucked his cake across the room and in a fit of temper ripped his card in two. He then said how muuh effort he had had gone to to buy the cake in his lunch-break. I said ‘What’s the point of a cake and card if you cant be nice and civil to me?’. As I walked off I heard him scold the dog for attempting to eat the cake off the floor.
I said to him if the boot was on the other foot, I would have been pleased to see him regardless of what time he got back on his birthday as it was his day to do as he wished. I would certainly not have made him feel guilty for having a good time.
My girlfriends were shocked to hear the grumpy text message he sent to me on the train home and said that it wasnt right for him to make me feel guilty. It wasnt until they highlighted this to me that I realised he made me feel bad most of the time about things that I do on my own. My Mum is standing by my choice to study for a new career even though I konw I will not receive his support.
I am concerned about what will happen in the future as I want to stay as a close family but at the same time I am not willing to be brow beaten permanently in order to sustain harmony. In short, I am torn.
This blog is for Unicef.
Thanks for reading.