Sacrifice

It’s incredibly hard to experience marriage problems. When you are staring marriage failure in the face you swing from mourning to thinking positively about life without the other person.

To survive you have a malleable mindset that accepts whatever course life throws at you. In my case I have a husband who is depressed, probably has ADHD and is completely emotionally reliant on me.

its draining. To think I have been with him since my late teens, coped to date, then his depression gets acute and my tolerance level sinks to zero.

The atmosphere in the house is so bad, my daughter said she would rather stay at school than come home.

The worst thing is I don’t know what’s worse, ignoring each other because we can’t resolve things or pretending that things have been resolved.

Are we trapped, will we eventually be happy. Only time will tell but I a, not convinced.

i haven’t been blogging for a while now because of what’s been going on.

positives in life are in our children. My daughter was voted house captain at her school and my son seems to like school – apparently the puddings at school come with toys and he gets to fly helicopters. I’ve also discovered as well as a vivid imagination his memory is pretty good too – if his letters and phonics progress is anything to go by.

This blog is for UNICEF – protecting children worldwide.

TFR.

Itchy and scratchy show

I am 36 and I have nits. Kindly given to me by my little boy who has a whole head full of the little blighters. My husband was combing through all of our hair like a mountain gorilla – he refrained from eating them..

This blog is for Unicef.

Thanks for reading. 

It’s been 12 days

Since my last post.

I was hoping to be able to contribute something every day. 
So, I had a think about what could be achieve able and I considered how I would like to look back on my younger years when I’m old and frail. It’s a bit like looking back at photos and films of family and friends from years ago. At the time when you take them it didn’t seem like things would change that radically. But looking back the main emotion you feel is wonder that life was ever like that.

So a sentence or two a day, well worded, just to give a flavour of the day should be enough to jolt memories. I encourage you to try it.

For me there are things I didn’t expect I would be feeling at 36. A marriage that is still giving brilliant highs and depressing lows, a job that I didn’t intend to be doing but things change and so do priorities. The number one priority being a job that means you see your children! And a house and location I didn’t expect – the last place I thought we would be in for years…

This blog is for Unicef.

Thanks for reading.

Political parenting

The last time I posted it was before Brexit. I voted remain.

The last time I protested in Parliament Square, it was against the Iraq War, because of the predictions that have now been realised. 

I hope the predictions for the country post Brexit are not realised.

I won’t say any more….

It’s a good time to be a parent at the moment, to inspire them in some early activism – ’nuff said.

This blog is for UNICEF.

Thanks for reading. 

Enjoy the present

I made a conscious effort to enjoy the present today. As I walked back from dropping my son off at nursery, I thought to myself “I am not going to let my mind wander to what next and where we are going” , “I’m just going to enjoy this moment, our lives at present and not sleepwalk through today in anticipation of tomorrow”.

So this meant doing things slightly differently. I rode my motorbike to a meeting and discovered I had turned up to the wrong building in the city and it was going to be another 15 minutes trying to navigate my way to the correct building. When I finally discovered the right road it was closed and I was running late for my meeting. But, I just reminded myself to enjoy the sunny day on my bike and focus on the journey rather than panic that I was going to be a few minutes late. Turned out the people at the meeting were not worried about it and I arrived relaxed enough to do what I needed to do. Refusing to let any panic set in had kept stress at bay. That was helped by enjoying the moment. It’s a positive side of being mortal that because you don’t know how much time you have left, you have no choice but to enjoy what you’ve got.

When my children returned from school, instead of worrying about the bath and bed routine, we all sat down including my husband and played a game of kerplunk. Before I knew it, we had improvised the game and had progressed to having a marble race by blowing through straws. Just before bedtime I was judging a dancing competition between my son and daughter. There was lots of fun and for some reason it felt like a weekend, as if we we weren’t allowed to have this much fun on a weekday. 

So, if you are reading this, I hope it has served as a reminder to enjoy the moment and find something positive in the here and now……tomorrow can wait.

This blog is for UNICEF.

Thanks for reading. 

Lid on…apron off

It’s been a long time since I posted. So long, I don’t recognise the formatting. I started out with good intentions of a post a day. But life (and apathy) got in the way.

Today I put the ‘man’ into woman. I was done with the ‘wo’ for a while, having spent a sunny Sunday in the galley of the sailing club volunteering so that the rest of the family could enjoy the boating life. The pics of our daughter having fun sailing the topper in the sunshine while her little bro looked on from the tender made all the pan washing worthwhile.

Conscious of my love handles poking out of the apron and my greying hair pinned back with hair grips, I was feeling way to mumsy.

I needed to be introduced to my 17 year old self. So with pleasure I took a meeting as an excuse to jump aboard my cbf600 and take a short buzzy trip in the sunshine. It felt too good and I reluctantly made my way home after the meeting resisting the temptation of the roads inviting a longer journey to the coast.

Ive said this before and I will say it again bike = sanity.

Also enjoying watching the TT – but what the fuck is with the pit stop ladies in their make-up and tight ad clad outfits dotted around the winners enclosure like billboards. C’mon this is 2016 (grrrrr!!!)

This blog is for UNICEF.

Thanks for reading.

One life

I thought today about all the opportunities that we choose to turn our backs on in favour of a particular route. We have to make these decisions early on in life, then…around about middle-age…you start to question some of those decisions. It is a completely pointless exercise, since nothing can be changed and a bit depressing as reflections and decisions taken in middle age no longer have the flexibility of youth to give them room to grow. 

There are many things in life you only get one hit at. Taking that hit while you are young carries less risk and gives longevity. When you are older it’s much more of a gamble and success is minimal. 

On reflecting on those things you can no longer achieve, it’s a bit sobering to think you will go to your grave having never experienced them. My bucket list will start when I am 40.

It sounds cliched but if fundamental decisions in life are led with the heart, the outcome will eventually be the happiest even if it wasn’t intended. At 36, it’s the unexpected that has revealed the most exciting, fulfilling and happiest moments in life to date.

In summary, I didn’t plan to have children, yet now I have two……enough said.

This blog is for UNICEF.

Thanks for reading.