Sacrifice

It’s incredibly hard to experience marriage problems. When you are staring marriage failure in the face you swing from mourning to thinking positively about life without the other person.

To survive you have a malleable mindset that accepts whatever course life throws at you. In my case I have a husband who is depressed, probably has ADHD and is completely emotionally reliant on me.

its draining. To think I have been with him since my late teens, coped to date, then his depression gets acute and my tolerance level sinks to zero.

The atmosphere in the house is so bad, my daughter said she would rather stay at school than come home.

The worst thing is I don’t know what’s worse, ignoring each other because we can’t resolve things or pretending that things have been resolved.

Are we trapped, will we eventually be happy. Only time will tell but I a, not convinced.

i haven’t been blogging for a while now because of what’s been going on.

positives in life are in our children. My daughter was voted house captain at her school and my son seems to like school – apparently the puddings at school come with toys and he gets to fly helicopters. I’ve also discovered as well as a vivid imagination his memory is pretty good too – if his letters and phonics progress is anything to go by.

This blog is for UNICEF – protecting children worldwide.

TFR.

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Solace in the ‘go tos’

Everyone has their ‘go to’. Its not until you feel s*** that you realise how many ‘go tos’ you have. For a situation where I need to feel better about myself, my ‘go tos’ are edible and drinkable. Following a big argument with my hubby tonight over work (I wont bore you with the details but from where I was standing it was ‘hubby doesnt like new job and length of commute so turns to wife and wonders why she isnt doing ‘more’. The answer: I could earn more but this would mean hubby doing more on childcare side, which he wont do. I cant earn a low average salary because childcare costs would cancel out my earnings. So, I can only earn peanuts’. Sound familiar?

So, my go to for feeling inadequate were (in the precise order that they were consumed):

Salt & vinegar crisps

Peanut butter on toast

The children’s chocolate (which I will now have to replace), consisting of: Twirl and Fudge – enjoyed eating until I felt mildly sick followed by mildly guilty (because I am on the no sugar diet).

My 8 year old daughter also bore witness to the trials of life as a modern woman (i.e perform miracles earning a fraction more than the minimum wage while looking after  toddlers, covering school runs and keeping the house one hoover away from looking like a bomb had just hit…..oh and walking the dogs, and occasionally making contact with all the in-laws and doing the shopping, buying all the Christmas presents and doing the washing, and exercising so body is still in a good shape (though cant do much about the pelvic floor…..get the brownie points for pushing them out but marked down for other reasons that you might hazard a guess at).

Sound bitter?

Your Goddamn f***** right.

This blog is for Unicef.

Thanks for reading.