This was an email I sent to my Mum in Espana:
…………Talking of birthdays, there has been no improvement between me and hubby. He is refusing to apologise and I am refusing to let it go so we are now in stalemate, co-existing under the same roof but not communicating unless absolutely necessary – it is hideous. As a protest I have stopped cooking meals for him and doing his washing. As a result there is so much less for me to do which is great! He took an aversion to my lovely retro phone so that is now unplugged on the side and it is just being used for role play games – I didnt even bother to have a battle over that one. It turns out that he had to go through the formal process of interview at his work to get the full-time role and he had been getting worked up and stressed about it – think my birthday was in the wrong week. He complains that he is tired which is true but I still cant find a valid excuse for being so horrible on my birthday so I dont have much sympathy. I think something needs to change as the wear and tear of the job and the commute and working 6 days a week is causing wear and tear on our home life. I have threatened separation and his pride gets in the way of fully taking that on board and he just goads me to go ahead and do it. I am worried that by the time he realises what a fool he has been, it will be too late and too much water will have passed under the bridge. I want to do what I can (e.g. mediation) and may suggest it when he is ready to discuss further as I feel he would benefit from the views of a third party neutral person.
In the meantime, I have started looking at applying for jobs again as the last time we hit rock bottom I was an ‘at home Mum’ and I think that this is a recipe for disaster as far as our marriage is concerned!
Thankfully Lucy and Karen are on the phone/ in person to support me but what I find most worrying this time round is that i dont feel sad enough about the situation. Its almost as if I want to see what living on my own would be like as I have never been without him since the age of 17! Turning 35 has flicked a switch in me, in that I am now looking to the next decade thinking by the time I am 45 will I still be treading on eggshells around his moods, feeling guilty every time I use my bank card, worrying that if I purchase something for the house without his approval he will just try to chuck it away or push it to one side and will I still have to tailor my career around his? Unless he is wiling to face up to his increasingly stubborn and belligerent behaviour (as Louise says the ‘1950’s man’ syndrome) I will have to seriously re-consider things….
As much as I love hurling cakes across the room, I would quite like to eat some birthday cake next year!
This blog is for Unicef.
Thanks for reading.