I am glancing at the front cover of The Big Issue featuring a picture of Pharrell Williams and a minion with the question ‘feeling happy?’ I am not. I don’t feel in control of my destiny at the moment, well none of us ever are in control but its nice to feel that you are heading I. the right direction. For me I am not entirely sure what that direction is. Maybe this is a symptom of heading further into my thirties, but as I wait to hear whether or not I have got a new job i find myself analysing my would be reaction to both scenarios. If they say yes I will feel happy that they have the confidence in my abilities to offer me the job but sad that my role as pretty much a full-time mum will come to and end. If they say no, I will feel sad that the opportunities and benefits the new role will bring will not become a reality, but happy that my time as a mum who has the school holidays at home continues. So for now I am putting my trust in fate and rolling like water to whatever pool life takes me to. At the same time I want to do what is going to be best for everyone. I would still love to adopt a child, help others in need, give my children the best education and relieve my husband from all his current pressures.
I also still have the blues from the holiday. The people in Haiti and Jamaica particularly really had an effect on me and I would like to return there in the future. I liked Florida too but for very different reasons. Its a chapter in my life that was short and highly relevant and also extraordinary and nothing like life at home. If it were to read like a book, it would appear as if a few pages from The Great Gatsby and Tschiffleys Ride had fallen within a chapter of Bronte’s Jane Eyre.
I am not very patriotic at the best of times (although managed to muster something up in the Olympics), but at the moment I might actually hate Britain for being cold, wet, stuffy, virus ridden and miserable. If i bumped into Pharrell dancing down an alleyway in Britain, i wouldn’t dance with him, I would assume he was one of those care in the community types for being completely delusional.
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Thanks for reading.