Crush course in cycling

Have you seen the movie ‘What Women Want’?

Today was like a scene from that movie if my mind’s burblings were anything to go by. I have been on a four day course learning how to teach cycling safety known as ‘Bikeability’. It is very serious learning a syllabus that has been devised based on accident statistics and what evasive action cyclists need to take to stay safe on Britain’s roads. It has been a very enjoyable course, where I have learnt a lot and made new friends. But there has been a rather significant factor that has made learning difficult….

The cycling instructor is HOT! It isnt often you encounter someone that within 10 seconds sends your jaw to the floor in awe at their gorgeousness. It did happen when I met my husband but I have been looking at him for the past 20 years so its a bit samey.

So, in our classroom discussion this afternoon, when we had been learning all day and my mind started to wander, this is what was going on in my head while he was talking……

Ok, turn to page 68 setting up meeting with school what should instructor have with them on first visit……umm……he must work-out those arms are quite toned at the top…….stop it!  ……….right think, a mobile phone…..ooh he just ssshhed me, I havent seen him do that before….was it quite a playful ssh? Ooh, he has gone round the room and got everyone’s comments now he is back to me….hes nudging the phone towards me and now wants me to say it……no I will be a tease and say ‘i dont know’ ….he just lurched forward and laughed …. is he flirting? No of course he isnt and stop trying to attract his attention, you have two children and a husband for Christ’s sake what’s a matter with you. I wonder if its the no sugar diet taking effect, maybe I should give in and have a bit of chocolate. I bet his girlfriend is stick thin……..and blonde………with a small butt. Yes he mentioned his girlfroend this morning so hes not gay….my gaydar is a bit rusty and I thought his ear piercings were a bit George Michael. Oh snap out of it women, hes taken, you are old and taken move on, right when to use cycle lanes, lorry blind-spots. Oh whats that buMp under his t-shirt? aaah its a clavicle fracture….his is wOrse than mine….I bet he dd it doing something really cool like a bmx stunt or snow-boarding or bike trialling. Should I ask him? God no he might wonder why I am looking at his t-shirt and collarbone. Hes looking at me while he is talking , right try to look serious and completely uninterested in what life is like under his t-shirt…….

It is exhausting having a schoolgirl crush. On the feedback form I feel like requesting the instructor wears a mask for better concentration levels.

This blog is for Unicef.

Thanks for reading.

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Oh the joy of being ‘Mum’

I am going to try not to sound bitter in this next paragraph….

My cycle test to be a bikeability instructor for primary and secondary schools went well and they want me to do the full course. Downside being that, as a Mum of a 2 year old, childcare costs will mean my earnings are minimal. However this will improve as he gets closer to school age. Hubby doesnt understand this. Thinks I should stay at home until I am in a position to earn ‘decent money’. But when will that be…. when they turn 18? The fact is that jobs that fit around school time dont tend to be big earners. But when I have proposed to hubby that I take on the full-time breadwinner role and that he stays at home, he back-pedals faster than Chris Hoy in reverse. Why is it women who have to organise and deduct childcare from their salary thus limiting what they can actually do as a job?

So I guess my issue is not with parenthood but society’s historic approach to womanhood.

On a separate note, Oxfam emailed me about the appalling situation in South Sudan, which seems to be un-reported in the media. The country is nearing a famine and thousands of families are in refugee camps living in appalling conditions…… all because of war. If you can help please visit this site.

This blog is for Unicef. As i missed last night’s blog, £1 in the pot to Unicef.

Thanks for reading.

PS I did feel a bit of an idiot in my over-sized hi-vis gear and my panic buy helmet from Halfords, particularly when positioned next to  lycra clad and cycle shoe heeled streamlined instructor.

PPS, if you are in need of a laugh,check out the Sam Mendes film ‘Away We Go’.