I fee like I am going through another coming of age, but in my thirties. I have come round to the understanding that the roles have shifted somewhat between myself and my Mum. I need to look after her more and accept that she also comes with my Stepdad (like Barbie, you just can’t ignore Ken). Therefore rather than reluctantly enquiring as to whether he will be joining us too for a visit or an excursion, I am accepting him wholeheartedly and starting to enjoy his presence.
I am a reluctant cook but more and more I am finding myself hunting for ideas and recipes to cook for my family and others. It is an area that I lack confidence. The idea of socialising while cooking, something many people seek by felling walls between kitchens and dining rooms, fills me with dread. You need to be a confident cook while concentrating on food that will taste nice and keep small talk sustained simultaneously. However I managed it with my stepdad earlier, perhaps for the first time we had a talk where I didn’t feel awkward. It almost helped that I had something else to concentrate on.
There was an awkward moment during the transition period from being a daughter of teen and twenty-something to thirty something plus where Mum and I temporarily fell out. Because I was accepting that there were some things that my Mum did that I didn’t necessarily agree with. Things that my Mum had not recognised as issues that affected me at the time. It isn’t until much later on that the consequences of actions could be seen. What is different now is acceptance. I am accepting our relationship warts and all, because life is uncertain and I want to enjoy the rest of my life and Mum’s life, however long or short will that be. I don’t want to feel any regrets in what I should have said or done – the same goes for my Dad.
So Mum looked out for me through school, college, uni, marriage and early motherhood. It has finally dawned on me that the roles are starting to shift and I need to look after he more too, without any resentment for my change in role and the acceptance and belief that Mum did what she thought was right and for the best. No doubt my daughter will criticise me when she hits 30 – she is already starting to criticise me now. Hopefully she will came to the same realisation that I did – Mums aren’t there forever so enjoy them while you can.
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Thanks for reading.