I started drafting this last night…..
I have a friend, who I got to know recently when she moved in across the road. On paper we should get on, both the same age, children are the same age…even husbands are similar ages too. We like sharing stories of motherhood and enjoy living in the countryside.
Then, I hear a tap at the window and said friend is at the door asking if I can come over and babysit (It was 10.45 at night) as her sister-in-law had just made an attempt on her life and she needed to go to hospital – her bed had already been prepared for me to stay for the night. So I abruptly stopped the blog and went over, got half-way through a good film and then she arrives back again saying that the panic was over as her sister is in a stable condition. So, by this time it was close to midnight and I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to continue this blog post, so……another £1 in the pot for a missed post to this blog’s charity Unicef.
Returning to the theme of wavelengths, you can’t have a successful friendship unless you are on the same wavelength. Just like it is difficult to have a good sexual relationship or marriage without chemistry.
In my opening paragraph, I talk about why our friendship should work, but after a few months of getting to know her more, here are the reasons why it really doesn’t:
- She openly disses her ex-husband in front of her daughter (his daughter) – I don’t think it is right to say nasty things about your child’s father in front of your child – whether you are married or not
- She thinks all black men are (I quote) ‘only after one thing and are womanising and like ‘wide boys’. She also doesn’t like children from mixed race marriages (this is coming from someone who is in their early thirties). As she was saying this, I was glancing around the room looking for back copies of the Daily Mail. Aside from the fact that it is shocking to hold these views in this day and age, I was personally offended as my brother-in-law is black and I am hoping that they have children as they are sure to be beautiful
- She believes in punishment and using tactics that belittle and humiliate her daughter as punishment for wrong-doing. For example, she refused to let her daughter go to a friend’s party as punishment for a wrongdoing (I can’t even remember what the wrongdoing was it was that insignificant) and then made her daughter stand there and listen to her Mum explain to her friend’s mum on the phone why she couldn’t go to the party because she had misbehaved. It appears that years of this strict punishment regime has created a 10 year old that has no sense of her own identity, lacks confidence and is what the positive discipline authors class as an ‘approval junkie’. Thinking that self worth can only be gained by seeking and gaining approval from others
- She hardly ever walks her dog through laziness and then wonders why it is bored and ‘keeps bothering her all the time’ to which her response is to holler ‘BED!’ to it like some old fish wife
So, to summarise, she is not really my cup of tea. However, my daughter enjoys spending time with her daughter and we have had lots of get togethers so should be good friends technically – so how do I now back-off from the friendship without offending?
I am blogging every day to raise money for Unicef. If you would like to donate to the campaign, please visit my page on Unicef”s website.
Thanks for reading.
and the fall-back to keep the conversation going, is sharing of stories on babies, what they did yesterday, what their routine is etc etc (utterly, completely dull as much as we love our babies…)