Literally. The reason why I was unable to blog yesterday was because I was busy accepting an alien item in my body. I have taken the plunge and given the coil a whirl. I have been taking the pill since I was 16 and I’m bored of taking a pill every fuckin day of my fucking life! This should sort me out for the next five years. I’m not ruling out more children, but I am ruling out more biological children. So, I was advised this was one of the best forms of contraception. Bonuses include: stopping periods althogether (in some women) and less mood swings. Its also handy when you go through the change as opposed to going through HRT – but Im not quite there yet.
The bad bits:
1) The insertion is fine if you act like you, the nurse and the Doctor are all enjoying a chat over a cuppa. All three of us were in complete denial that we were congregated round my spreadeagled legs while I was literally ratcheted open and ‘fitted’ with a coil. It was great we talked about kids and education. At one point I giggled, which was a mistake as this caused my pelvic floor muscles to literally fire the Doctor’s contraption out like a ping pong ball. Both nurse and Doctor (who interestingly both had the word ‘cock’ in their surname (I know you couldn’t make it up) both said ‘ooh’ as my body expelled the alien object. This was an annoying set-back as it all had to be re-inserted again.
2) You feel it. Don’t get up straight afterwards. The nurse was very good and insisted I stayed down until we were both confident that I wasn’t going to faint. They have learnt the hard way that quite a lot of women faint after the procedure if they get up immediately afterwards. In one instance, the Doctor (who is a very slight lady) was pinned down by a fainting post coil lady.
3) You feel shit afterwards. You are given a credit card sized identification card with your coils details on it – I felt a bit like a dog that had just been microchipped. I had really bad period pain like cramps that only co-codamol could solve and my friend thought I was going to faint when she saw me a while afterwards, “just take a look in the mirror” – I was white as a sheet and had blue lips.
4) The following day I wanted to jump off the nearest bridge. Thankfully I dont live near a bridge tall enough to do any long-term damage but I was moody and depressed. There were a group of children promoting their new Sound of Music performance in the town’s theatre – not even their singing could lift my spirits (surprisingly made me feel worse). I was even grumpy with the Big Issue lady (unlike me).
But its midnight on day two and surprisingly am feeling very good now (what a relief) so I am really hoping that it will work out fine as its is great to not have to worry about conception dor FIVE WHOLE YEARS!! Bye Bye pill and good riddance.
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Thanks for reading.