The joys of being female

So I didn’t do a post last night,my apologies. The cat was away (my hubby) so the mice (my friends) were at play.

Things didn’t really get going until about 8.30pm by the time we had fed, bathed and bedded babies (my friend’s 7  month old stayed the night) and then promised my 6 year old that the we would save some of the copious amounts of chocolate and sweets for her – reluctantly (she then very reluctantly went to bed).

Bathing the babies was interesting. My son and my friend’s daughter, only a few months apart, slithered around on their bellies together in the bath bubbles and shared squeaky toys – we thought a glass of champagne for them to share would be more apt. Once they were asleep, cue pizzas, potato wedges, diet coke and wine. We had all been to corner shops to grab a few things, all on a finite schedule with children. We shared the same experience of doing a supermarket sweep, with kids in tow, loading our baskets with whatever looked: a) highly calorific, b) completely unhealthy. In my local village shop, the shopkeeper (who I know very well) kindly ‘went out the back’ to get the Rose wine and the giant bottle of diet coke and with a smirk remarked ‘Richard (my husband) away by any chance’. Once all paid up I then tried to balance my heaving bag of unhealthy snacks and beverages on the back of the Maclaren (which wasn’t easy as the bottles far outweighed the weight of my son and the buggy started unpredictably rearing en route to the school bus stop). A few hundred yards away one of the handles gave way and then I had to tie it on to the buggy to make it home. My other friend had the shop assistant look after her daughter while she loaded up the basket. This is what all 4 of us managed to bring to the feminine feast:

5 bottles of wine (various colours)
1 diet coke and 1 fanta
5 pizzas (mostly vegetarian and cheese) – a bit too many down to miscommunication
Doritos plus dip
Vegetable crisps (to cancel out the Doritos)
Salad (to cancel out the pizza)
Potato wedges (well they are better than chips aren’t they?)
Cadburys chocolate gateau
Chocolate Roulade with Fresh cream
2 x bags of Maomi mix (sweets)
1 x bag of Haribo
Bag of marshmallows
1 tray of Cadburys fingers (which I managed to eat entirely without sharing)
Box of maltesers
Cadburys chocolate pretzels (which we were decided were weird but yum)
Cadburys chocolate covered popcorn (which we decided were just too weird so saved them for my daughter)
2 girly DVDs

Now we didnt manage to guzzle ALL of this. in fact we felt sick not long after the main course and a few cadburys treats but we all had a fair crack at the whip. Only 1 and a half bottles of wine were consumed (too concerned about what time kids would be up tomorrow) it always feels like a good idea at the time and then lots and lots of regrets the following day.

Even before I managed to touch the wine I made a complete twat of myself by picking up the glass of water I had and demonstrating how it flashes (courtesy of one of Dad’s Royal Carribbean cruises) and then got feidup with it later so lifted it up to turn ot off and tipped water all of over myself – put it down to my brain being fried after my first week back at work (not much hope for when I’m in my eighties then).

We then settled down to watch Bridesmaids, but pausing before we pressed play to baggsy a character in the film. Everyone wanted to be the lead character – the blondie who is struggling to find love – no-one wanted to be the fat one (although she is arguably the funniest of the lot).


After 1 in the morning my friends went to bed and I set up camp on the sofa (like the good host I am) and unbelievably had the best sleep in a long time – and one of the best evenings in a long time with friends too. Its times like these when I love being female and all the shaving/ waxing/ menstrual cycles/ pregnancy/ labour/ mood swings/ not as good pay/ having to cook most of the time/ and clean……all pales into insignificance.

If you enjoyed this post please donate to my Unicef Fundraising page – the whole reason why I am blogging. I am aiming to get £1 a day if poss.



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